Wednesday, 24 March 2010

~Sorry for your loss~

That’s fine 
but could you help me find him?
Or tell him that he's missing

My crazy has gone
My tears are unyielding
My heart unbeating

And in my ill
All I can think of
Is your lack of breathing

Can you come back?
I’m sorry for the caustic play
We had between us

Can you come back?
I want to continue with the lurid
Mail that you send me

Where are your words?
I long to read your extroverted
Persuasive coping

I can not feel 

you breathing

Where are your words?

Jim...can't you see
I’m grieving…

I need your words....................................................Jim
My sapphic heart is

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

A pleasant gentle wine

You never know when you get in the car

 Not drunk enough
But drunk enough
The Daytona looks so….sweet

But it’s actually a Daewoooo

At least it was

Detached skull 

Body still intact
I survived the crash
But died as I walked away
In celebration….of my potential
Crumpled body

How uncouth
So fucking crass

Thursday, 21 January 2010

I'm still ....

I'm still not fucking interested

You are my slither of sky

In my bedroom
When I wake each morning
You keep
That one eye open

You are my

My early morning

And I am

Near collapse
For your first
Utterance of

oh look i'm yawning

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

♫Spit in my mouth and tell me that you love me♫

I have been lying in this bed since April 2009

My crippling pain
Could explain
My lack of
Life desire

I’m not going to die from it
They may commit me
If I don’t soon show resolve
But at least
For this week
I’m not suiciding

Tracy Emins bed
Has nothing on the bottles
And the decaying food
That surround me
Or the creatures that
Run over my face at night
When I finally

This is fucking art
Can’t you see
I’ll take a tenner
And that smug look
For my

Altruism is overrated

When I left
I cried for four months…
I ate nothing
I cried
Just before I went to work
I drove to the sea in the New Forest
And I wished for the pain to stop
Then I went to work
And helped the kids
From their 16 years of troubled life
Sexually abused
Beaten up by mum
Step dad
And the system I represented
As I closed the door
I sat on the floor
and cried some fucking more
Then went to lunch
I lunched on that yellow blossom
That staled the air
With it’s constant happiness
That’s what I ate
Then returned to work
And listened to how
Her dad would gyrate
On her fresh skin
Then fights broke out
The kids cried and wanted their mums
Mums wanted their synthetic baby daddy
I wanted to die
The New Forest wasn’t as pretty
As I thought it would be
Most of it lied
And I still didn’t eat
But cried
For four months
That’s all I did
White craft witch craft wicca
Rainbow clouds
Sun glow…sprinkling showers
Hours and hours and hours
Of hope beating at my broken nothing
Unable to let it in
Then I went to work
And the mums turned up
With constant empty cups
Of what life dealt them
It was men
I wrote reports
Then went to lunch and dined
On horses glances
And the odd chance I could breath
Without a tear
I couldn’t
And still I couldn’t eat
Most times I didn’t dare
Never slept
Then I was at work again
I took the kids to the shore line
And watched them play
Screaming and cursing
Getting as naked as a New Forest child could
Thier Primark trousers curled to their knees
Those dirty Daddy tease
They scrawled wretched faces in the sand
I took their hand
And we all sat in our sorrow
With our no tomorrows
And I solemnly breathed
'Put your heavy thoughts on those clouds
And do not remove your gaze
And lets watch them disperse and
Drift away'
And we lit our fags
And for hours we would stay
Praying for less pain to come
What may
They let me go
Not because of bad working practices
Well maybe
I stopped her from getting evicted
I lied
She stayed and was fine
I left but always tied
I walked out of that forest
And back to him
I ate
And stopped crying
I couldn’t feel my feet
If I said I loved him I’d
Be lying
I never slept
And if I’d known
My heart was slowly dying
From that pathetic pointless pretend
I would have stayed in that Forest
She would have been evicted
And I would be whole again

Altruisim is no friend